Written by Immaculate Were
4th September 2021.
We were all born through sex. All 7 billion of us. That’s how common sex is for the avoidance of doubt, just in case a part of you wants to judge me harshly for writing about sex. I grew up being taught that sex is something bad, an act to be shunned away unless within certain ‘permissible’ confines that society determines. But what kind of an adult would i be if i continued to blame those who taught me about sex? Overtime i have learned much about sex and here are 5 things at the top of my head:
1. Sex is a beautiful thing.
It’s time for society to admit to itself that sex is actually sweet. I don’t think words can properly describe sex. The issue is we only admit that sex is a beautiful and pleasurable thing in private spaces yet in public dissociate ourselves with the idea that sex is pleasurable. In public, we are the ones shaming those who have decided to shout our truth. Sex is absolutely beautiful and should be named as such both in private and public spaces. Demonizing sex and at the same time benefitting from the pleasures of sex is pretentious to say the least.
P.S Self-worth is not determined by the number of sexual partners you have, neither is it determined by your marriage status at the time of having sex.
2. Sex is the icing, not the cake.
Sex is more pleasant when you feel loved and cared for, not so much as when one is in a hostile and/or abusive relationship. Over time, I’ve learned that it is important to invest in healthy relationships then let sex crown an already functioning relationship.
3. Sex can be dangerous.
I cannot emphasize enough the dangers of unsafe sex. Both men and women ought to be careful. For women, the consequences of an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy are beyond anything you can imagine. An unwanted pregnancy literally has the capacity to shift your life’s trajectory. The realities of having to drop out of school, the mental health impacts, and the inconveniences that come with pregnancy and childbirth are dire. Put aside pregnancy, the risk of HIV/AIDS is also a reality that you have to grapple with. AIDS is yet to find a cure. Being subjected to a lifetime of taking medicine is no easy feat. Take the consequences seriously and protect yourself, both men and women. Some contraceptive methods include condoms, emergency contraceptives, implants and IUD can be taken advantage of.
Apart from just the physical, most of us can admit that having a sexual interaction creates an emotional connection with a person, consequently making it harder to break up with them. Building healthy relationships alongside your sex life would also help protect your mental health.
4. Learning to control your sexual urges is key.
I think that sex is addictive, just as anything pleasurable is. There is a difference between liking sex and being overly dependent on it. Using sex as a survival mechanism to me is ‘dangerous’. A perfect example is either staying or going into relationships that do not serve you just to get sexual fulfillment. In another sense learning to control your sexual urges is invaluable and would save you a lot of unnecessary relationships.
5. Ultimately, celibacy and abstinence are the way to go.
I do not support a woman’s worth being pegged on their virginity, whether or not they are married or the number of partners that they have or have had. However, I honestly think that waiting to have sex with someone who values you, who you trust is more desirous. I don’t want to come across as trashing virginity, celibacy, or abstinence. I think they are just as valuable as being sexually active. But more importantly, make sure that your choice to be sexually active is not influenced by your peers or the fear of missing out. Let it flow from you and what you want.
Thanks for taking the time to read the blog.
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