I don’t know about you but I love the Saturday sun. Something about it feels so fresh..so healing. Sometimes I wonder what a utopia my life would be if I woke up feeling the way I feel on some Saturday mornings.
Not every Saturday is like this though.. sometimes Saturdays are depressing. I guess it’s the loneliness of it. Or maybe it’s the fact that I have to stop and look myself in the mirror for who I really am. No more moving through the motions..just me and the thoughts in my head. Sometimes I call it the day of reckoning. When the angels and demons in my head put me on trial.
2022 has been a whirlwind for me. I started the year having goals on how I was going to change my life. I wanted to quit some old habits.
I resolved to choose myself. More importantly to respect myself. I resolved not to settle for any less than what I wanted.
But brethren, less than one week into the year I was back to my old habits. I guess it’s true what they say, “ old habits die hard.”
At some point I almost succumbed to the temptation to beat myself up and remind myself of how I couldn’t even keep my own word.
But then I remembered. Healing is not linear.
I underestimated how hard it would be to drop habits that I have held on for years. And now I know that more than just a resolve it takes courage to follow a path that you truly want to pursue.
Healing sometimes looks like relapsing to old habits.. doing the same sh*t you resolved not to do. But even in those moments, I give myself grace and I allow myself to mourn for the person I thought I would become and to accept the person that I am right now.
I don’t know about you, but 2022 feels like a new song. It feels like a fresh breath. I think good stuff is about to find me. I think this is the year that I get the courage to choose myself, love a little harder and face my own truths with grace. Idk how cliche this may sound but 2022 is my year!!
How about you? You feel me??
Thank you so much for reading and have a lovely rest of your day.
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